Hello; I have not been on my blog for a while. But I have a new section. It’s called ‘Sunday Paper,’ and it is a collection – perhaps a weekly installment of a continuing anthology – of newspaper mistakes floating around the Internet as scraps of newspaper usually do in the wind. So, each Sunday, a new clip will be blown over to my blog and become fixated upon the fabulous flypaper of funny that is this theater. Here’s the first one:
See you next post! Happy Laughing!
Hey. Ponui here. Again. Well, now I will make you think. I know. Unheard of. Anyway, I have some backwards ponderances for you – sayings in which it seems like they should be switched around. I am tired, and if that did not make sense, you can see what I mean right now.
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it’s called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it’s called cargo?
Why do you park on a driveway and drive on a parkway?
Why does your nose run and your feet smell?
Why do we duck when someone says, “heads up”?
How come when a door is open, it’s ajar, but when a jar is open, it is not a door?
Well, I hope you liked these. I will be back soon! Happy Laughing!
Hi. Ponui here. I am back. Yes, yes, I know. Hold the applause. I am here with anti-jokes, which is where you set up like a joke, and then – well, you’ll see for yourself.
So a horse walks into a restaurant. Several people spot the potential danger in the situtation and leave.
What did one refrigerator say to the other? “We’re both refrigerators.”
A duck walks into a restaurant. The waiter says, “What’ll it be?” The duck says nothing because it is a duck.
Three men walk into a bar. The fourth one ducks and avoids hitting his head on it.
A platypus walks into a store. They are the only mammals capable of laying eggs.
Knock Knock. Who’s there? Dan. Oh, hi Dan, come on in.
I hope you enjoyed these. I hope I will be here again soon. Happy Laughing!
Math problems: The only place where someone can buy 80 watermelons ad no one wonders why.
I don’t know who Pete is, but he must be pretty important for everone to wory about his sake.
Try braking – it gives your driving a bit of 00mph.
Do I know the molecular formula for Sodium Hydride? NaH.
What goes 0-60 in a minute? A clock.
Anti-gravity. It never lets you down.
To make a long story short… The end.
Did they ever find out who let the dogs out?
It really bugs me when people use insect puns.
I hate jokes that rely on visual imagery. I have had it up to here with them.
I hope you enjoy these! Ba-Dump-Bump. Just kidding. YOU MUST ENJOY THEM! Okay, I can’t make you. Happy Wednesday! See you this weekend. Happy Laughing!
Hey y’all. Do you know what Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis means? Any-hoo-ha, I found some funny signs and labels and thought I would share them with you.
On a bag of chips: “You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.”
On package of Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): “Do not turn upside down.”
On package of Bread Pudding: “Product will be hot after heating.”
On bottle of Sleep Aid: “Warning: May cause drowsiness.”
On most brands of Christmas lights: “For indoor or outdoor use only.”
On bag of peanuts: “Warning: contains nuts.”
On a hairdryer: “Do not use while sleeping.”
At a Towing company: “We don’t charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.
On a repair shop door: We can repair anything. (Please knock hard on the door – the bell doesn’t work)
Sorry I haven’t been here lately, here I am though! Ihave got numerous new posts on my wordpress docket. Stay tuned! Happy Laughing!
Hi – I am Ponui. Thanks to Zarion from Miscellaneous Soup, I now know that what I posted before are called one-liners. In light of this fact, I will post some more! Here you go!
Prison walls are never built to scale.
Sometimes I enjoy my steak undercooked, but that’s rare.
If I had a dollar for every time I left something unfinished,
Lessons in Life: Always proof-read carefully to see if you any words out.
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
I hope you liked those. I am compiling my next post as you comprehend these words.
Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis. Look it up. Happy laughing!
PS: Just in case you were on my blog on June 14 at 9:26 AM American Central Time, you would know I posted this post, then unposted it, then reposted it (Well, I guess you now know even if you were not on my blog). The reason for this was because my post was “posted” on June 5, 7:24 AM, which, of course, isn’t true. Funny software glitch. Oh well, it’s all good now.
Hi – Ponui here. I will start appearing more around my theater in the summer. But I am here now, and I give you, the amazing, the stupendous, the… well, I really don’t know what they are called. I would appreciate if someone could tell me. But they sure are funny. Here are some of my favorites.
I have never really heard of Quasimodo…. But he does ring a bell.
I was going to buy a book on phobias, but I was afraid it wouldn’t help me.
I was just about to nail some shelves to the wall. Then I thought, screw it.
I have fantastic memory. In fact, I can’t remember the last time I forgot something
I went to an Italian restaurant, and they had spaghetti on the menu.So I had to call the waiter to wipe it off.
Did you know, “emas eht yltcaxe” is exactly the same spelt backwards?
I have been told I exagerate the amount of time I work. I’d like to see them work 12 days a week and 576 days a year.
I thought I found a mass Snowman Grave the other day. Turns out it’s just a field of carrots.
Father to son after exam: “Let me see your report card.” Son: “My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.”
What did Batman say to Robin before they got into the Batmobile? Robin, get into the Batmobile!
Hello. I am the superb maintenance guy around this theater. I am proud to announce that I, E. Gotis Tihkel, have single-handedly fixed the bug that was stopping you from reading the “Future Posts” tutorial. Do to my cat-like reflexes and astounding skill, you can now read how to schedule future posts. You’ll be seeing me around here again. I’m hard to miss. And you’re welcome for doing such an awesome job fixing the problem plaguing you. Here it is: Future Posts
Hi. I have been pretty busy lately, with the theater and all. No really, I was in a play two weeks ago, and I did a performance project for National History Day (about the toilet) last week. So, I am back. I am back with someone who may or may not be one of my teachers, and whose name may or may not be Mr. Carlson. I might have just made it up to protect Mr. Anderson’s identity. Or maybe his real name is Mr. Potter. I doubt that, especially because I see him every weekday. You know, when he teaches me. Anyways, so he has a few jokes.
“So a duck walks into a pharmacy and says, ‘Gimme some chapstick, put it on my bill.”
“So there was a family of three anthropomorphic tomatoes walking down the street - a daddy tomato, a mommy tomato, and a baby tomato. The baby falls behind. So the dad walks back to the baby, stomps on her, squishing her, and says, ‘Come on, catch up!’
Ba-Dump-Bump. OK, see ya’ soon! Don’t forget to fly on over to ehpotter.wordpress.com Also, head over to www.laffygoose.com/futuristicpost.htm to find out how to schedule WordPress posts for the future. OOOOOOoooooooo! Happy Laughing!
Hello again. It’s Ponui. I doubt I need to introduce myself to my many readers (Ha Ha! I crack myself up sometimes). But I have started a new blog about the psychology of Harry Potter. Sounds boring, right? WRONG! I am going to make it interesting, and you will be spellbound if you fly right over on your broomstick to ehpotter.wordpress.com. See you there!
